I have reached the point where being shocked feels normal; it is a fact I hold in my mind but don’t feel in my body. I would like to follow the guidelines of self-care, to preserve my “emotional endurance”, not as a professional caregiver, just as a regular person who cares about the world. So I take breaks and try to reduce my stress. I go out with friends, I watch old poker tournaments on YouTube. But my breaks are getting longer. They feel dangerously close to avoidance.